Obligatory Gift Giving

My Husband Richard is often way ahead of me on certain practices. In the late 1960s after we were 1st married, he said he was not into Obligatory Gift Giving. He would give Gifts when he felt it was right. And it might not be on the expected Day.

And yes, he did continue to give Gifts, sometimes on that Special Day, and other times when I least expected it. In his profound and heartfelt statement, he opened a window to an automatic practice I had not thought much about before.

I had never heard of such an approach. I came from a Tradition where you gave and got Gifts on such special Days as your Birthday and Christmas. At the time, I could not even imagine not giving Gifts or getting Gifts at those special times. After all, how would the Other know that you loved them? And yes, it was better to give than to receive. Of course, I did have a special feeling when I got a Gift from another, most of the time and at least for a while. Writing these words makes these feelings seem so trite.

Many times I have gotten a Gift that had a very special ring to it. In fact, I would describe all Gifts that I have received in recent years of that regard. The Gift was unexpected because I do not expect such things. Sometimes, it was Handmade just for me. Cost was not the issue; rather the Gift fit me to a "T". The place it touched in my Heart was very rich. Those are not the Gifts I am talking about here.

After Richard's little statement 4 decades ago, the years passed. The Parade of Gifts went on and on. Sometimes, I just did not know the perfect gift to give the other. Sometimes, I hit "the mark". Other times, I didn't. It became increasingly difficult for the Ones with whom my Life's Path was increasingly removed.

I began to see that many Gifts, especially those of a Store-Bought variety, had a hollow ring to them. You could feel the energy of an Obligatory Gift, and it just didn't sit right. Sometimes I would get something that I had no use for. It was not me and it made me sad. That special Other didn't seem to know me at all.

Plus, I began to see that many people got themselves into a heap of financial trouble with their extravagant Gift Giving. It takes them a long time to pay off those Gifts. For us during those years, we would often be paying for Gifts early into the New Year. I don't think that is the proper message for Gifts. Perhaps those are "Gifts that keep on Giving".

I began to see that those Store-Bought Gifts are often Trendy and Fashionable, only for that moment in time. The Gift and its Container were set aside in far too short a time.

Over time, I watched the Gifts add up. Our house was full, stuffed. I had them everywhere, along with our own purchases. Of course you would want to display them. I rotated them. Over time, many were tucked away in cupboards and boxes. I had no space for them all. Sometimes they headed out the door to the Thrift Store. I hoped someone would enjoy them and the person who gave them to me would not see me headed there. I began to be a little kinder to myself: "Perhaps I just held them for someone else."

I began to see that Obligatory Gift Giving becomes a primary means to support the Economy, rather than to support precious relationships. In most cases, saying "I love you" is done in far more meaningful ways.

Looking even more closely at what matters to me, I began to see that a lot of people (and other Beings on this life's journey) are denied the most basic of needs. Now those are Gifts I choose to give and would offer to get if someone is looking for something special for me. I really have more than Plenty.

The Economic Roller Coaster of recent weeks has presented hard times for more than we can know. Some folks were in difficult straits before.

We are surely making our own cuts. Somehow things look different. What has meaning is even more clear and we want to live our lives based on that meaning.

For this year's Holiday Season, we do have a limit on Holiday Spending between the 3 of us, the lowest it has been. We will likely buy or make Gifts of Use or Need for the Other rather than Want. They may make our presence on this Farm in its fullest functioning.

For this year, we are going to set aside 25% for the Local Soup Kitchen. That seems like a really small amount. A lot of Folks are struggling in these tender times.

We will be thinking more and more on this one. You could call this little Entry, as all the Others, Subject to Refinement and Change.